One time I went with a friend (we’ll call him Mark Banana) to visit some friends of ours who were down at college. We were having fun, chilling out, friends were having a great party. I slip off to go to the bathroom and Mark Banana races up to me. He proceeds to tell me that he just met this guy who shares his birthday and they were born at the same hospital within an hour from each other. I was like…”dude that’s really cool”…”but wait he says…and his name is…Marc Banana…just like me…except with a C”. “Coincidence”, I say, to which he responses “nay”, and then yells out to the guy across the room, Marc Banana #2 waves at me while talking furiously on the phone. I’d be lying if I said M.Banana #2 didn’t look like M.Banana #1’s parents, it was almost terrifying how much he resembled them. “Who’s he on the phone with?” I ask my friend while staring down M.Banana #1. “His parents” he says, “they’re redheads just like me, we’re pretty sure we were switched at birth”. And that’s how I became friends with two dudes with the exact same name, who most likely were switched at birth.
I want to become a movie critic. But instead of having stars or thumbs up I’m going to give fucks. so when I hate a movie I can say “I give zero fucks. It was a horrible movie” or “I give 4 fucks, it was truly worth every fuck.”
anyways that’s my life goal.
Ever see a girl in real life who looks like she just stepped out of a magazine, and she’s perfection, and you just think to yourself…”Damn she’s classy as fuck. I bet she shaves her legs with actual shaving cream.”
This is the story of how my cousin got banned from church plays when we were kids. They were doing a nativity play around Christmastime and he wasn’t too happy about his part, he had wanted the lead role of Joesph but instead got the part of the angry proprietor who refuses to give Mary and Joe a room in his hotel, literally the only bad guy in that play. He begged for the organizer to give him another part, unfortunately there were no other parts and the day came when he had to perform.
Mary and Joe roll on up to the hotel, knock three times and the angry proprietor is suppose to come out, look them over, yell out “No Vacancy” and slam the door. But instead…
Mary and Joe roll up on to the hotel, knock three times and my cousin opens up, smiling ear to ear
"Well hello folks, you look like nice people, how you doing tonight? Do you need a room?"
"Yes, do you have any vacancy?"
"Of course we’ve got plenty of rooms!!! Come on in!!! We’d love to have you!"
everyone was silent. for a second I think people thought the Church was trying to rewrite the birth of Christ. The look on actor Joe’s face was priceless, but Mary, oh good ole Mary….she took a step inside the fake hotel door, plugged her nose and stared into my cousins face with disgust…
"This place is disgusting. There are rats on the floor and poop on the ceilings, we’d rather stay in the barn." She grabbed good old Joe by the hand and stormed off.
And that is the story of how my cousin got banned from Church plays and how he became an atheist.